She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Randomize
