You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
