well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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