i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
