My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
