Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
