clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
