literally had 100 drinks last night.
I understand Curling. That high.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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