If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
