Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
