I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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