I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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