A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
