Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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