I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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