how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
