The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We got so high we made milksteak
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
