i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
