Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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