dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The power of my boobs compel you
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
