Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
