i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
