Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
