just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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