oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
