she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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