my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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