You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
