Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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