Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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