I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize