dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
