His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
please come you make the beer taste better
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
