its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
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When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
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He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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