Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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