I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
