So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
