Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
