what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
