The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize