Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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