thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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