Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
