Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
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fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
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So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
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