As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Your cock deserves a montage
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
