I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
