oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
