First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
