No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
