wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
