We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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