There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
