Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize