Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
