Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
