Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
