either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
