Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
