but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
