I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
