mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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