Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
