break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
