i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
