I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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