Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
