thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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