You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
