i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
