when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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