My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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