At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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