Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.