I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Randomize
