i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
