Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit