I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i think my cat just said my name.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.