i wish my penis had a tongue
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
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