Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.