I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
my nose is crying tears of wow.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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