this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
