He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
