In the future we'll all be gay
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
