The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
