No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
