The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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