If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I want her autograph on my taint
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
